I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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