Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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