Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize