Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
not ubering you a puppy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
