OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
