I like my sex mixed with concussions.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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