I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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