I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
