Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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