Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
