Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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