As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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