Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
