So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
