Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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