I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
