real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
