even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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