So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
