just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize