I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
