I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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