You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
