Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
