she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
