and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
