as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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