Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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