She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
