if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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