i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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