On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
