If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
