so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
