They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
