My hand turned me down
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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