Im at strip club and am horny
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good