I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.