Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
