Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.