you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So much Jack, so little girl.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
