People in love make me want to vomit
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
third nipple confirmed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
