how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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