She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
These tits shall not be calmed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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