that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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