having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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