Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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