Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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