All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
