Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
