You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
