Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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