Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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