Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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