All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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