i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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