Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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