Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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