There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
