HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My bed smells like the plague
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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