I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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