Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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