i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
