I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
